Sunday, March 22, 2009

I guess it's about time...

to go ahead and tackle a beast of a post since it has almost been a year.  Kind of a lot has happened.  Well not kind of, ABSOLUTELY a lot has happened.  The biggest thing is that we have kids now.  Yup, it's true, kidS.  2 of them and they are fan-freakin-tastic!  I can say that now that they are peacefully sleeping their, hopefully (fingers crossed), 3 hour Sunday nap.   

The story goes like this...
Steven was away for the week at school about this time last year.  He came home on Wednesday to drop the mother of all bombs just to leave again that night.  Awesome.  He comes home for church that Wednesday night.  We go out to dinner before he has to drive back to Memph.  We are having a nice dinner and then out of no where he says "I think that we should adopt"  My first reaction, "You have lost your freakin mind!"  I know that sounds horrible of me but it was just so difficult for me to process on the fly.  It wasn't how I REALLY pictured our family when I was totally honest with myself.  I think adoption is one of those things that so many people say they want to do but then never really get around to it.  I'll admit, I was one of those.  I loved the idea but really, really doing it scared the crap out of me.  (Inner dialogue = Would they like me?  Could I love a child unconditionally that didn't come from my body?  What would people say?  What is my Mom going to say?   Can we really do this?  Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, I might throw up and cry all at once)  I really didn't know how to process it all so I just cried.  How in the world can I tell the man that I love that I don't want to parent a child that needs us.  I couldn't so I fought it thinking surely there is a reason why this isn't practical.  Every single one God found a solution for.  I don't think there has really been a time in my life where I can say that I truly wrestled with God.  Now I can.  It really wasn't an easy decision for me at all.  I was not going to be the girl that talked about it and then didn't follow through.  These children deserve more.  I wanted to be thoughtful and prayerful and boy was I!  I can't recall a time in my life where God so vividly and tangibly worked.  It was like neon on lights saying "Do it!  Doit!"  I didn't want to, it was scary and I felt so inadequate.  Finally after months of wrestling I got to a point where I really looked at this for what it was.  The only real reason why I wasn't saying yes was because of fear and that fear was driven by satan and I wasn't going to let him have this.  It wasn't his.  From the very beginning this was God's and I was letting satan make my decision.  Not any more.  
In the mean time we were getting our certifications and all that yucky paper work together when a couple from our church came to us and said that their girls were going to be up for adoption pretty soon and asked it we would be interested.  Again the tears.  I don't know why I was so emotional about it all, but I was a total basket case through the whole process.  So we said yes, thinking that it probably wouldn't work.  God had other plans.  So I now I sit here today as Momma of Micah Marie and Israel (Izzy) Ann feeling so proud of them for overcoming so much sin in their birth family's life and so honored that God has blessed and entrusted these precious girls to Steven and I.  BYW I think that they do love me and yes, I can totally love unconditionally that doesn't come from my body, my Mom adores them and yes we can do this. There is still lots more processing to happen but we are overjoyed to have them in our lives.  The adoption will be final, hopefully, at the first of June.  Here they are...

This is Micah

   This is Izzy



12 comments:

Sarahndipity said...

I loved reading your perspective on everything that's happened over the last year! You're a great mom, and you have awesome girls! I love you.

melanie said...

WOO HOO! Welcome back. Those pics are so CUTE. I am so fortunate to have seen them TWICE! :) They are so precious and you and Steven are STELLAR parents. :) As a matter of fact you are my parenting heroes...never forget that. :)

Jesse Faris said...

Yay for the update! (I still like the original post title idea: "Sit on your bottom.") Love that Israel/Izzy (as a name) made the cut! You guys are amazing! (Looking forward to most likely seeing you this weekend??)

khovater said...

Thanks guys :)

Teague said...

I too loved reading this! It has been such an encouragement for Robert and I to watch you and Steven and the girls and to hear about how God is at work in your lives!! I'd love to hear how the girls are adjusting to their new (and very beautiful) names...we're not sure what we'll do when it comes to name changing :)

LeslieJerkins said...

KELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay for post and yay for being a mommy! I am so glad you're back in the blogging world! i love you and your family!

Mitzi said...

What a wonderful post! God is awesome! I love your honesty and perspective. I am sure that you are a great mommy!

Shannon said...

Hooray for this!

ashley said...

love you honesty love your heart love you and love your family!

Courtney said...

That brought tears to my eyes Kelly - thanks for sharing the "real" experience. You guys are doing great!!! love you!

Brooke said...

cannot believe you are updating the blog! pretty huge post.
have some cute pics of the girls altogether I still have to post on facebook. love you all dearly!

Sarah said...

So, I check your blog from time to time to see what is going on with you and had no idea about this. Please forgive me for not being a better friend in communicating with you. You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly. Melanie told me to check out your blog. I am so excited for you and Steven! I wish that I could jump over to Little Rock and meet these two precious little girls. I love their names. What an amazing journey you have been on. God is going to do incredible things through this family of yours that has been brought together. I hope that you will continue to blog about what is going on in your life and how you are adjusting to motherhood.