Site change

Changing the ole blog site. Hopefully lots more pictures and video. Steven is going to help with this one :) Here it is...

http://www.stevenhovater.com/kellyhovater/

one year later...

Today, I sit at our computer, eating my chips and salsa, reflecting on the past year. I spent the morning cleaning which always makes me feel like my brain is a little less cluttered as well and that is a wonderful feeling. A year ago today Steven and I were celebrating our 4 year anniversary. I don't really remember what we did but I do remember the anxiety and peace that surrounded that time. Anxiety normally comes to me pretty easily so for it to be accompanied by such great peace was God working in my heart in awesome ways. Most prominently I was anxious about the plans that God had for us regarding our sweet girls. We had just returned from a mission trip where we anxiously awaited news on a court hearing they had. No real news came from us. Little did we know at the time that there would be several hearings with no news... frustrating to say the least. Profound peace came knowing that God was going to take care of them no matter if that was with us or another family. They were already his to begin with so who was I to arrogantly assume that our home was the best home for them. He had them and was with them at every step. I just had to be patient and with his plan, thus the anxiety. Months of wondering if it would ever come together and then one day it did and they moved to our home the very next day. Wow, was the overwhelming. In one day we were completely assuming the responsibility of TWO 17 month old girls, who are black. Let me tell you, that is a lot from this weak, selfish, anxious, very white girl to take on. I didn't feel equipped to take it all on but I do know that God did. So consistently, almost daily, he affirmed this choice and I am so thankful for the blessings that he has given us. One year later, our lives are dramatically different. I don't wake up to an alarm clock, I wake up to cuddles and kisses. I don't eat when they aren't around because my needs really aren't that important anymore so I forget about them. My house is mess with evidence that children live and play here. My car has a funky smell most of the time that I still can't quite figure out it's point of origin. My afternoons are normally filled with Nemo or Newsies while I agonize over their hair hoping that no one will over look and them and say "they for sure have got to have a white Momma". My evenings are almost nonexistent because being a full-time Momma is a whole new level of tiredness . It is a crazy life but a privileged one where I get watch my favorite person evolve from being a fantastic husband to a fantastic husband AND Daddy. I live such blessed life and today on our five year anniversary, while the house is clean and my sweet babies are sleeping, I get to take a step back and I am still overwhelmed, but this time with His faithfulness.

Staying at home part duex

 Izzy on left, Micah on right.  M is making a weird face but that is what happens when you are 2.  This picture is from their birthday party a couple of weeks ago.  They are officially TWO!

So, it has been almost six weeks since this ole gal retired.  The number one question is "How's it going?".  My number one answer, "There have been a couple days where I have wanted to rip their faces off but overall it's been great".  It really has been good.  We have gotten into a good routine and I can already see a greater sense of confidence and stability in them.  I feel pretty good about my behavior as far as playing vs. cleaning.  There are for sure times when I say, "I can't hold you now because ________", but I think that is totally reasonable.  I have to tell you that I have not been awesome about the sleep schedule for them.  I mean they are getting enough sleep but maybe not at the most traditional time.  Like they have been sleeping in till 9 or 9:30 because we have been out until, well, 9 or 9:30.  Should I feel bad about that?  

As far as how I am personally working myself into this role that is still evolving.  I feel like I am getting "Me" time just in a different way then I was before.  Mostly that is because it always includes staying home.  I covet my "day off" which means Steven's day off.  I get to sleep in and hand over my responsibilities to him for most of the day and let me tell you, it is glorious!!  I love my girls deeply but there is nothing like driving alone in your car, feeding just yourself at a restaurant, not having to referee their fussing at each other and walking as slow as I want through the mall.  LOVE IT!!  It helps me to recharge and be better for them.  

Monday the 15th of June is supposedly the finalization hearing for our adoption.  I will believe when I see it.   Please keep us in your prayers as this will go smoothly and actually happen on the 15th.  I'm ready to answer the question, "Are they yours?" with confidence and without further explanation.  I want to say "Why yes they are, aren't they perfect?" as they sling their cups across the table, as if their cups were bowling balls and glasses the pins.    Just perfect :)

I am retired.

Well, this is a weird thing to announce, for some reason.  I am retired as of last Thursday or more accurately a stay-at-home-Mom.  It's weird because it was always something that I really wanted to do but never really thought would happen.  Well it has and I must say that I am little freaked out.  Everyone keeps saying, "Are you excited?"  "You must be so looking forward to this time!". Don't get me wrong, I am so excited but honestly I'm a little embarrassed.  The Hovaters are going to be poor, poor, poor but the truth is that we should be able to swing this financially with some discipline and that makes me self-conscious.  It is such a privileged place in our society to be a SAHM and I want to be mindful of those that can't or don't want to.  It's not for everybody and really I may get 6 months into this and decide it's not for me.  Mom's of all decisions should be honored for their "Momdum".  Also, I kind of feel like it's a club, an exclusive club that Mom's that don't stay at home with their kids, or kidless people for that matter, aren't invited to be a part of.  That makes me sad and also fired up at the same time! I'm sorry that I'm rambling some and maybe even offending someone or two.  That is not my intention, it's just me processing what this means for me, our family and our girls.  Because I still think it is very important for there to be a 'me' beyond a Momma to our sweet girls.  Wow, this is not where I wanted this post to go!  I was planning on speaking about making this time to be about memories and not me shooshing them to go play while I slave away in the kitchen or fold laundry.   I guess we will figure all of that out over time.  I guess that I just want people to know that I while I am so excited to spend every day making memories with my girls, I am also taking this position in our lives with a very heavy heart, realizing the privilege and be so thankful for that while being very thoughtful at the responsibility that I am taking on.  

I guess it's about time...

to go ahead and tackle a beast of a post since it has almost been a year.  Kind of a lot has happened.  Well not kind of, ABSOLUTELY a lot has happened.  The biggest thing is that we have kids now.  Yup, it's true, kidS.  2 of them and they are fan-freakin-tastic!  I can say that now that they are peacefully sleeping their, hopefully (fingers crossed), 3 hour Sunday nap.   

The story goes like this...

Steven was away for the week at school about this time last year.  He came home on Wednesday to drop the mother of all bombs just to leave again that night.  Awesome.  He comes home for church that Wednesday night.  We go out to dinner before he has to drive back to Memph.  We are having a nice dinner and then out of no where he says "I think that we should adopt"  My first reaction, "You have lost your freakin mind!"  I know that sounds horrible of me but it was just so difficult for me to process on the fly.  It wasn't how I REALLY pictured our family when I was totally honest with myself.  I think adoption is one of those things that so many people say they want to do but then never really get around to it.  I'll admit, I was one of those.  I loved the idea but really, really doing it scared the crap out of me.  (Inner dialogue = Would they like me?  Could I love a child unconditionally that didn't come from my body?  What would people say?  What is my Mom going to say?   Can we really do this?  Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, I might throw up and cry all at once)  I really didn't know how to process it all so I just cried.  How in the world can I tell the man that I love that I don't want to parent a child that needs us.  I couldn't so I fought it thinking surely there is a reason why this isn't practical.  Every single one God found a solution for.  I don't think there has really been a time in my life where I can say that I truly wrestled with God.  Now I can.  It really wasn't an easy decision for me at all.  I was not going to be the girl that talked about it and then didn't follow through.  These children deserve more.  I wanted to be thoughtful and prayerful and boy was I!  I can't recall a time in my life where God so vividly and tangibly worked.  It was like neon on lights saying "Do it!  Doit!"  I didn't want to, it was scary and I felt so inadequate.  Finally after months of wrestling I got to a point where I really looked at this for what it was.  The only real reason why I wasn't saying yes was because of fear and that fear was driven by satan and I wasn't going to let him have this.  It wasn't his.  From the very beginning this was God's and I was letting satan make my decision.  Not any more.  

In the mean time we were getting our certifications and all that yucky paper work together when a couple from our church came to us and said that their girls were going to be up for adoption pretty soon and asked it we would be interested.  Again the tears.  I don't know why I was so emotional about it all, but I was a total basket case through the whole process.  So we said yes, thinking that it probably wouldn't work.  God had other plans.  So I now I sit here today as Momma of Micah Marie and Israel (Izzy) Ann feeling so proud of them for overcoming so much sin in their birth family's life and so honored that God has blessed and entrusted these precious girls to Steven and I.  BYW I think that they do love me and yes, I can totally love unconditionally that doesn't come from my body, my Mom adores them and yes we can do this. There is still lots more processing to happen but we are overjoyed to have them in our lives.  The adoption will be final, hopefully, at the first of June.  Here they are...

This is Micah

   This is Izzy

Finally!!!

After 7 long years, Steven and I will be making the trip to Memphis this Saturday for his graduation!! I am so proud of him!! 7 long years of driving back and forth to Memphis at least once a week. For all of those who have driven the stretch from LR to Memphis, you know that that in itself is quite the feat. YUCK! On Saturday he will be receiving his Masters of Divinity. I am just so impressed with him. Besides the fact the I married him I just think that it is a big deal for anyone to have accomplished this goal WHILE having a full time job in YOUTH MINISTRY!! It just amazes me every time I think about it. It wasn't like he was just taking a class here and a class there. Most semesters it was 9 hours!!! That's full-time folks! Alright, enough bragging on Steven. I just wanted you guys to share in this joy with us!!

Who Knew???

So when we first got married, well I guess it started when we were engaged. I had all these questions about what it would be like and what was I getting myself into by contractionally obligating myself to love somebody for the rest of my life . I felt like through out the whole process both Steven and I were ruthlessly honest and genuine with each other but there was still a small part, well let's just be honest here, a HUGE part that wondered what the world of marriage would be like for us. Would I find out some deep, dark secret about Steven that, had I know on the front end, would have been a deal breaker? Would I wake up the next morning in a frantic panic wondering if I made the WRONG decision? Would he continue to be my night in shining armor even after that ring was on his finger? Does that wedding really have magical powers that turn wonderful men into abusive, raging alcoholics? I DID NOT want to be the girl that sat on Oprah in my own puddle of tears saying, "He was so wonderful before we got married and then something happened, something changed. I never saw it coming" (yea, right) You guys have heard all the stories, so naturally I was a little nervous.
Today, I am pleasantly proclaiming to the world that Kelly Scheppegrell married a HANDY MAN!!!! Since we have lived in our house, almost 3 years, Steven has continually impressed me. I will admit, that that my previous expectations of a what a nerdy minister could do physically were a little, umm snobby, but I have changed my ways!!! It all started with changing light fixtures. We changed out all light fixtures in our house but 2 and Steven did them all by himself. I remember being apprehensive at first because of the whole "working with electricity and not being an electrician" thing. I kept picturing my sweet husband dead, by electrocution, leaving me alone to not only look at these hideous light fixtures but pay off this huge loan that we just acquired. Little anxious.
You have to know one thing about Steven before you go judging me, thinking that I am a beast of a wife that doesn't believe in my husband. Steven is RUTHLESSLY confident, almost to a fault. It makes him think "Well of course I can rewire our whole house with my hands while simultaneously building a brand new engine with my toes and grilling a mean steak with my teeth all the while avoiding a house fire, an inevitably broken car and e-coli! Can't everybody?" It's aggravating at times, to say the least.
Before we even got married he was asking for tools. "For what?" I said, assuming that he would be the kind of home owner who pays people to do things. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. Now, it almost feels like the more that Steven does the more that I want to buy him tools. Like he has proved his worthiness and this, this nail gun will help him rise to handy man excellence!! He has proved to me that he can tile, plumb, install wood floors and build a new deck! That's a lot, folks and I am so proud!! I am seeing a miter saw and new piece of furniture in my future. She says as she laughs sinisterly, "Whah, Ah, Ah".