Friday, August 21, 2009
Today, I sit at our computer, eating my chips and salsa, reflecting on the past year. I spent the morning cleaning which always makes me feel like my brain is a little less cluttered as well and that is a wonderful feeling. A year ago today Steven and I were celebrating our 4 year anniversary. I don't really remember what we did but I do remember the anxiety and peace that surrounded that time. Anxiety normally comes to me pretty easily so for it to be accompanied by such great peace was God working in my heart in awesome ways. Most prominently I was anxious about the plans that God had for us regarding our sweet girls. We had just returned from a mission trip where we anxiously awaited news on a court hearing they had. No real news came from us. Little did we know at the time that there would be several hearings with no news... frustrating to say the least. Profound peace came knowing that God was going to take care of them no matter if that was with us or another family. They were already his to begin with so who was I to arrogantly assume that our home was the best home for them. He had them and was with them at every step. I just had to be patient and with his plan, thus the anxiety. Months of wondering if it would ever come together and then one day it did and they moved to our home the very next day. Wow, was the overwhelming. In one day we were completely assuming the responsibility of TWO 17 month old girls, who are black. Let me tell you, that is a lot from this weak, selfish, anxious, very white girl to take on. I didn't feel equipped to take it all on but I do know that God did. So consistently, almost daily, he affirmed this choice and I am so thankful for the blessings that he has given us. One year later, our lives are dramatically different. I don't wake up to an alarm clock, I wake up to cuddles and kisses. I don't eat when they aren't around because my needs really aren't that important anymore so I forget about them. My house is mess with evidence that children live and play here. My car has a funky smell most of the time that I still can't quite figure out it's point of origin. My afternoons are normally filled with Nemo or Newsies while I agonize over their hair hoping that no one will over look and them and say "they for sure have got to have a white Momma". My evenings are almost nonexistent because being a full-time Momma is a whole new level of tiredness . It is a crazy life but a privileged one where I get watch my favorite person evolve from being a fantastic husband to a fantastic husband AND Daddy. I live such blessed life and today on our five year anniversary, while the house is clean and my sweet babies are sleeping, I get to take a step back and I am still overwhelmed, but this time with His faithfulness.